I don't know what to title this post. I can't think of a title nor what am I going to write for this post.

To readers, this post is nothing but my thoughts and feelings. So if you aren't interested, you could just skip this and close your explorer or proceed to another site.

Midnight is really a great timing for expressing me perfectly. All my thoughts and feelings (mostly negative) rouse and I can write more about myself and my view towards some stuffs.

~Begin~

You are happy to be with someone and make fun with each other; You share things with him/her and so he/she does; You feel lucky to have him/her by your side and you're glad that he/she can help you when you're in need. This kind of people is what we called "Friend". However, there is still a probability that you might betray her. How? Stab him/her at their backs; take advantage of him/her; betray his/her trust.

You think your friends won't betray you or talk something bad about you at your back, but are you really sure? I suppose there is people stabbing me or spreading something bad about me. But this is inevitable, so I will just tolerate it. However, I haven't heard of one now. And there is no point for me to find them out, so if there is, just let it be.

Friendship won't last long. Why? There are various factors which affect the bond between people. Time is one of them. As the time passes, the relationship will sure fade out. Well, it might not be significance and we can't say that there isn't. Despite how good the friendships you people have, it might changes within a second. And we won't know when it will happen.

So, after all these, I wonder does "long-lasted friendship" really existing? Maybe there is, but rare.

~ Continue ~

Do I really possess the talent of music? I think I'm not. I did a lot of composition in the past but never upload it to the internet before. And this year, I decided to share it in my blog. I don't know whether my decision is wrong or not. I keep on telling my readers and my friends about my composition and I know some people will said that I am arrogant and look down at them. Well, I did hear of this. This really makes me feel sad and sorry. I have never turned to be arrogant and ever look down at anyone before. And the most important is that I hate those arrogant people and hate people who look down at people. Just because they are great and skilled in some fields, they think they are qualified to be arrogant. What is this? You might be the best now, but it will not be forever. You think you're great; indeed, you're just a tiny person in the world. There is always someone who is far beyond you. So never try to be an arrogant person, it will make people hate you and keep a distance with you. Learn to be humble. Well, I'm arrogant and yet I'm not humble enough too. And I'm in the learning stage.

Anyway, back to the topic. =P

My composition is weak in skill, in performance, in content. And I know all these. Some people praised me for my composition and I really appreciate that because you did listened to my composition and with the smile on your face, I think it is an honest compliment. Thanks for that. I learned piano for only 2 years in a music school, so my piano skill is limited. Never think that I am great in piano. I am just a passionate piano-lover and I never claimed myself a "pianist" because I haven't reach that level. It isn't easy to learn to piano but it is worth to learn one but of course when you learn it with enthusiasm. Or else, you will just wasting your precious time. Recently, I have come out with a lyric and I had showed it to KiSS and he said this one is better than the previous. And I'm happy with that comment because I have improved. And I am always waiting for any comments on my composition but there isn't much. But people did tell me that they listened to it. I never knew who had listened to it. Due to this, I might lose some motivation to continue my composition. But I will never give up on this.

~ Continue ~

Well, my next topic is about my result, my academic result. Somehow, I think I am not supposed to deserve my O level result. I know many people are shocked with it, and so I did. I know myself, I am weak in academic. But I really did try hard for my exam. I did lot of revisions for it. During the exam period, my house was full with trouble, and I was really really depressed that time. I was worrying about my exam and my family at the same time. And I rarely slept well. Under this circumstance, I had never expected this shocking result. With this result, people who don't know me think that I am smart and I am nerd. Well, I am indeed a normal student with a moderate result. Nothing is special about me. In addition, I am a normal people with not charming characteristic, low sense of existence, annoying characteristic, insulting and teasing ability. Unlike my friends, they are great and famous among people.

If you wonder how I deal with all these negative thoughts and feelings, you will find the answer here. I am always alone and I get used to it. Whenever I am depressed or sad, I will counsel myself in my mind. I will start asking myself various questions and with myself answer every single question. It is really suffering but this is the only way I can do. Or else, you will be seeing a moody one wandering around (or I suppose you won't notice). I am telling myself to be cheerful but sometimes, the negative side is too strong that have overwhelmed me, so I will be moody for days. But it disappears really soon. I don't think there is someone who will worry about me, so there is no point of showing my negative side. I have a weak mental and a sensitive mind. I hate myself for these. I am always paranoid over major/minor stuffs. And I am unable to control myself for that.

Well, I did try to seek help from others, but it failed. Maybe I am the kind of person who can't really share myself with others, I mean sharing of inner stuffs.

~ End ~

Alright, I think this is enough for today. And I will write more next time. If you are willing to read, just drop here a visit when you're free. Good night.

Labels: My World