WHO IS DERICK?

Saturday, March 31, 2007
5:18 PM

Hello!!! =P

Look like I have neglected my blog for quite a time.. Sorry for that..

Well, schedule were repeating itself everyday and nothing special had happened.. So, I really didn't have "special" thing to post about...

School is as usual... Heavy homework loads and tests are approaching. However, I am still relaxing without doing any study but I do my homeworks.

Other than the school stuffs, I also try to do something new to spice up my boring life. I think you won't expect me of doing these stuffs.. or maybe you expected.

Anyway, I learn a new dance and it is the chair part of 精舞门. However, I look "cacat" while I'm dancing. But it is a new try to me and it is good for me as I rarely exercise. It is just a 1min 30 seconds dance. So, it isn't that difficult to learn except those special skills. I try to master it recently but I don't think I can. =P

Next, I would like to learn "真命天子" which is quite challenging since I don't have the dancing basics.

Other than that, I am rescuing my face recently. Pimple troops are invading my face(especially my nose area). I used facial scrub and my mom's facial treatment stuffs. The result is quite good but the effect is that my skin(nose part) is peeling off which is very painful. Hope that the condition won't turn worser but turn better. =D Oh ya, another effect is that there is whitening formula in the treatment stuffs, so I become whiter. T.T I want to turn darker... Sun-bath doesn't work to me because I will turn back into white after several days... Sigh~

Now, you know what had I do these few days. So, good night~

Wednesday, March 21, 2007
6:43 PM

The decision and the factors...

Sorry for this late post... I admit that I am quite lazy to post these days because I am too enjoy my holiday.. =P

Anyway, this post will concern about how I reach my decision.

As I mentioned in my tag-board this afternoon, I didn't apply for the MOE scholarship. Yeah, this may seems ridiculous because I had already been offered this opportunity and I still drop it. It is really a golden opportunity at the first view but once you think over and over again, it isn't. But I can't said that it really isn't because to some people, it is really a golden chance. To me, it isn't.

I haven't been these indecisive before that I kept on changing my decision before the deadline of handing up the form. One day, I want to apply, then the other day, I don't want.

When the result was out, I had already known about the scholarship offers, but I didn't want to study my A level oversea because "I am not ready yet". And I have already plan for my whole A level that how I study, how I study my life and how I going to make my life more colourful in Brunei when I am studying my A level. However, there is always some cases that affect my plan but I will try to stick to my original plan.

Due to this plan, I didn't go and ask about the scholarship but my father who listened to his friends and came back and told me all about the scholarship. Well, I told him that I didn't want to apply now but he kept on repeating the scholarship and how the A level standard overseas differ from Brunei's. Well, I know how they differ but...

Last few days, I had been thinking over and over again. And, I listed out all the +ve and -ve if I study oversea this moment.

It is good to study oversea now because:

can get used to the UK or other countries earlier.
can get known to the universities over there earlier.
can learn to be more independent.
can test own abilities.
can make more friends.
can learn the cultures earlier.

It is bad to study oversea now because:

I am not ready yet.
I don't think I can excel myself within these 2 years.
A whole new experience and I don't know how will I do there.
I might spoil my academic.
I can't ask help from my study-mates/friends over here.
I might be discriminated.
The living standard is totally different.
The most important factors :"My friends"

After considering all these factors, I just remember my first factor that stop me from applying scholarship. I know where my standard is(or maybe not) and my O level result didn't mean I am clever and smart and good in my academic. I think my friends know too. So, if I apply for the scholarship, it is like I am cheating the government.

As a conclusion, it is best to content myself with more knowledge and revisions within these 2 years in Brunei. After I am prepared, then only I apply for my degree. =D

Sunday, March 18, 2007
2:44 PM

Am I ready?

I thought I am ready for any scholarship chances now but it seems I am wrong.

I am not ready to study my A level now oversea. It is really a challenging experience to me, and I don't think I can 100% cope with it. If I get chosen by the government(luckily), will I perform well in my A level, or will I just spoil my own academic?

Why am I saying like that? Well, once I reach the country, I might have no friends at all and have to study by myself and can't reach out for any helps. I still need a lot of time to get new friends over there. Furthermore, I might not get used to the teaching style over there, and my academic will get affected. <-- this isn't what I want...

Now, I am still thinking that whether I hand up my form or just keep the form as a souvenir? Tomorrow morning will be my last time to confirm with my decision. I really don't know how to do next.

One action taken will affect my whole life. Sigh~

But if I am not ready to study oversea now, it is better not to take it. <-- I understand... However, now I am in the situation of I want to go, but I am not ready yet.

Many people who listened to me just told me " think carefully". I know and I will think carefully. But, I really need someone(expert) to consult me. Sigh~

Wednesday, March 14, 2007
3:58 PM

Depressed...

I hate this feeling.. I hate myself... I hate the world...

Suppose that able to get a scholarship is a happy thing but for me, it is just a burden and how I wish I could throw it away(only now). Currently, I am applying for the scholarship for me to pursue my A level studies oversea. However, I don't really want to apply the scholarship just for my A level because I am currently doing this in Brunei. If I take that, I will restart all my A level studies in August which means by the time I graduate, all my friends are already doing their degree studies.

After the A level I studied oversea, I will need to apply another scholarship for my degree studies according to my A level result.

From here, I can conclude that doing my A level oversea or locally is the same except the "name of the college". So, I rather choose to study in Brunei and work hard to achieve more A's or straight A's in my A level. Then, I could apply scholarship for my degree course.

Well, this is what I think and it is totally different from what my dad think. My dad want me to take this opportunity to study oversea because he said that the education level in UK is always better than in Brunei. Well, to me, there are the same except the name of the college. Is that getting straight A's in Brunei is nothing to be surprised in UK? or Getting straight A's in UK is much more better than in Brunei?

Well, I really don't know what to do next. Somehow, I think that should just stop my study and start working? If like this, then I won't facing any academic problem again... Well, I know this is stupid...

I think I will just pass up the form and wait for the government to reply... Plus, I don't think I can pass the Malay Oral exam this time... So, I don't think I could get it...

Monday, March 05, 2007
2:24 PM

Experiences...

Before the college life started, I was the one who anticipating for the study life of rushing from one classroom to another according to your subjects. This seems cool(from my view). However, when it started, it is a nightmare to me. Rushing from a block to another is really time-consuming and energy-consuming. For example, today, after my GNP class which was in the conference room, I need to rush to Maths class which is located at the next building. It might sounds easy if only there isn't anyone at the corridor. When it is subject-swapping, everyone is rushing here and there just not to be late. Oh ya, haven't mention that we are carrying heavy bag with our books in it.

Another new experience is that I start to do all my homework everyday and pass up on the next day, for which I never did this when I was in CHMS. I used to be a student who never done my work on time and always delay it until both the teacher and me totally forget about it. However, I often get a pass yet good-considered assessment marks. For MD, I don't think I can get a good mark if I continue behave in this way. I have to motivate myself to do the homework. I set a rule for myself that I have to finish the work in one day although there is a Friday or Sunday on the next day. Some people are lucky enough that their teacher didn't assign homework for them(aren't they lucky?), for me(I can't said that I am unlucky), a lot of homeworks assigned and I don't know whether I can handle them in the future or not. For example, today I get homework for all my subjects except GNP(there is one.. read the newspaper), Maths has the largest portion and Chemistry has the smallest portion. However, I took roughly 3+ hours to finish them.

Another experience is that taking 5 subjects is really not a joke. It is really challenging for both the mental and physical. Although you are exhausted, you still need to listen to the lesson, or else you will regret for it. For example, today, I had my Chemistry in the afternoon and I am very tired because I had already attend four lessons in the morning. My brain wasn't that clear as I was in my morning class. I can't even pay full attention to my teacher's teaching. So, I am still thinking of dropping my Accounting but... as I mentioned... for the scholarship's sake and my future... Sigh~

Last, I am lucky because all my teachers are really good and yet interesting. Attending their class, I haven't get bored. Hopefully, I won't.. or else.. I stop listening to the lessons. T.T.. then "habis"!!!

"A Level isn't like the O Level", "A Level is more than the O Level", every teacher is repeating these sentences in their lessons. Well, we know... when we were in F4, teachers were also telling us that O Level is totally different from PMB".... Just wonder when they will encourage the students and build up students' confident? or else, we will need to motivate ourself without any help. =)

Anyway, Good Luck to all of you!!! Good luck in the academic and of course, HOMEWORKS!!! =D

Friday, March 02, 2007
3:26 PM

To drop or Not to drop, that is the question.

Finally after the stupid, boring orientation, the lessons have commenced. As a newcomer to the school, I was very excited to attend the lessons and so as others do. The study life of rushing from a room to another room and being separated with the old classmates and study with new classmates... everything is extra-new to me!!! and I am anticipating for this new college life.

My registration room was extremely hot and small. The air-conditioner was working but the air is still hot. My first lesson was Accounting and my ACC room is exactly my registration room, so I won't have to move. Remain seated and waited for the teacher. Mdm Elicia Ong, my ACC teacher had entered the room with a not cheerful face. She kept on telling us that Accounting is really difficult and we aren't allow to skip her lessons because we will regret for it. Furthermore, she said we will be given many homework to do and blablabla... All are just discouraging statements coming from her mouth. Well, I am ok with this right before she assigned the homework to us. 4 exercises to be completed and hand up on Saturday. By looking in the textbook, the questions are easy but it takes a lot of works to do. Lot of drawing "T" Account and balance off and counting and analysing. I took 3 hours to complete it(maybe I did it too slow).

Next, it was my Physics lesson. ChiiHaw is in the same class with me. Our teacher is Mr Lock. He is an interesting guy and an experienced, good lecturer(the Principle said that). Our classroom for Physics which is a Physics Lab will need a renovation. Hope that the school will make it better for us to study.

For my Chem, ChiiHaw is in the same class with me too. Our teacher is Miss Siti Fauziyah. Well, she is quite friendly from the first impression and nothing special happened except for the announcement of short test during this Saturday. Oh ya, one more thing to be mentioned, there is 6 books for Chem which is very heavy to carry about....

Before the lunch time, it was my General Paper Lesson. Well, this lesson was the climax for that day. My classroom is in the Conference room. At first, I was very excited to go there but once I arrived there, no air-conditioner but only standing fans. Hope the school could pair some air-conditioner for us. =) We were asked to write down our name, nickname, previous school and special things about ourselves, and handed up to the teacher. Everyone had to draw the paper from the teacher, then look for the person who you have gotten and sit next to him/her. We were asked to introduce the new friend that we had found. It is quite interesting and fun. Yet, it is easier for us to remember our classmates. =D

Last was my Maths class. CheaXin is in the same class with me. Our teacher is an Indian and named Mr Jiwan Singh. He is another interesting teacher I met in the school. Nothing to mention except I solved the second question written on the book and the guy who sit beside me quite surprised. It was like he thought I can't solve the question because I kept on looking on his paper for the first question. I was only lazy to think about the working so I looked on his paper but I got my own concept in my mind and it is correct.

Now, I am facing a problem again. It is about my Accounting. I don't whether I should drop it or not. It isn't that I am arrogant(or I may seem arrogant for the following statement). I am quite confident on my Accounting skill and I think I could get an A's for my A level Accounting. So, if I drop it, it is like I am dropping an A's for my A level result. But the homework load pressure me much and I don't think I could cope with it. What if all my subject are given homework on the same day and need to be passed up on the next day? I am sure that I can't finish them. I can't give the excuse that I am taking 5 subjects(they didn't force me to take and it is me who take them). Another case, what if tomorrow, there is a test and other subjects give a lot of homework? Then, I will be dead.

If I drop my Accounting, I will have my Private Study Time in Block 4, for which I could do my incomplete homework and revise some notes and concentrate on my science and maths. The possibility for me to drop it is quite high if the coming homework is stressful.

Well, there is always a lost and gain for taking an action. I am asking myself that am I that weak that can't cope with the pressure? or Should I be more confident and believe in myself that I can do it?

Now... To drop or Not to drop, that is the question. =D