Tuesday, May 06, 2008
3:47 PM
You're back
Long time ago, you were here looking for me and accompanied me for many days and nights. Suddenly, you were gone without leaving any traces. I thought I have already forgotten the days that you were here inside me.

But now, you are once again here; you are back inside me. Well, I didn't expected that you will come back looking for me. Err... Well, things are unpredictable. So, since you're back, I would just have to accept you. But, with you in mind, can i survive within these two months? I wonder...

Exam is really round the corner and everyone is starting their revisions. But what am I doing here? I thought my motivation was back and I can really study to achieve good result. But then when everything was just about to start, illness is here, invading my body. I started with coughing then sneezing and what next? Fever? I hope no. =/

I tend to believe that I could do good in my exam but I really have to give up on this kind of thought now. I will never going excel myself under this body and mind state. For example: The Physics AS Mock Practical Exam today, I really did it badly and yet I still don't know where did I get wrong. I think it will be just a low pass or (worst) fail? Unless miracle happens, I could get an A for this exam. LOL. =.= Well, actually this exam is not that important to me as it isn't the actual GCE As exam. So, just let it be =)

Another thing worried me is that my circle. I can't say it is getting better or getting worse? =/ I think my social circle expanded but then it actually shrunk. I can't get to talk with them at times. I can't get into them in some occasions. I miss the times that we laughed and fooled in the past.

I thought I am changing from year to year but then I am actually back to what I was. Being so mean to people and being so annoying to those around me. I know I might be hated for being like this but I just can't control myself. I am actually trying to change the way I talk, the way I act and the way I behave. Well, this really takes time. =/

There is too many things that are in my mind. What I need is just to let it out =/ but then where should I let it out? Those things may be immature thoughts ,and more or less over sensitive stuffs. People told me to think of the bright side and think positive. Well, you can't said that when you think positive, those negative don't exists at all. They are still there, just you're the one avoiding them. Not to mean that I didn't think positive, well, I did. But... those negative are still there.

To end this post, I would like to apologize to those I have always be mean to and to those I have ignored.

And since you're back, I better get prepared not to let things getting worst. =/

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